When humor goes, there goes civilization. ~Erma Bombeck




March 13, 2009

Happy Birthday Mom

March 14th is my mother's birthday. Yes March is a busy birthday month in our family.
We have plans for later in the day, but before that all goes down. I thought I would give you a little insight as to who my mother is. This will also explain why I have so many problems.
For example one day while at a local department store, while in the shoe department she was doing a little looking around. The shoe salesman approached and asked if he could help her. She replied. " I don't know, you see I have a really high crotch." She meant to say arch but, whatever. Arch, crotch you can obviously see how she could mix up the two. The shoe salesman followed her around the rest of the day.
She and I used to go on long walks a few years ago for exercise, and of course everyone knows your cows get restless if not walked at least twice a week. Anyway, as we were walking along a white car drove by. Mom smiled and gave them a great big wave. I said " Who was that?" She looked at me surprised and said "Oh I thought it was you!"
Have you ever felt invisible, you know like someone doesn't even seem to know you are there?
Yeah.
Then there was the day last fall when she knocked on my door. Like a fool I answered it. "Hello mom." I said, you know nothing unusual. She said to me " Do I look different in any way?" I looked her up and down and said "Well your boots are on the wrong feet."
She said " I KNOW! I have been walking around Gardner Village ( a local girls day out kind of place) all afternoon, wondering why my feet hurt so bad." Now mind you she was with at least 5 of her very best friends, complaining to them all day about how bad her feet hurt. I can't figure out why no one (mostly her) didn't at least take a look at said feet. I mean how easy would it have been to say "Hey Judy your shoes are on the wrong feet, that might be the problem." Then to top it off when she realizes shoes are not on proper feet she comes over to show me.
I said to her "What kind of friends do you have exactly. I mean last week when you came home from your little outing with them you had on one giant hoop earring and one tiny hoop earring. Are you the butt of their jokes. Are they as blind as you are? (she is blind in one eye) Are you all senile?"
You know I could go on forever, but I will save our trip to Las Vegas story for another time. Just to peak your interest though I will tell you it involves a mall, trying on shoes, pooping pants, running out of store with shoes on feet because of the accident in pants, a police pursuit, family does not know where in the heck mom disappeared to and more.
Here's to mom for all she does and for keeping us on our toes!!!!! She is going to be mad I mentioned the Las Vegas story but what are birthdays for?
I have to go now, she keeps calling to ask me what time her party is. She planned the party. My ex sister in law thought mom did this just to her. No, no, no she shares the senility with all of us.
Mom also shares the love, she has a great sense of humor and has the ability to laugh at herself. I couldn't tell these stories if she didn't.
We love you Mom , Happy 70th. ( I know you all thought she would at least be 85. )


24 comments:

Cynthia said...

I'll be the first to say "Happy Birthday" and it's better to be quirky than boring! I love my Grandma but the woman is B-O-R-I-N-G. Nothing wrong with showin' a little personality!

Kathy B! said...

Happy birthday!!!

What a wonderful tribute. it's honest and beautiful..

The Wife O Riley said...

She sounds just like my grandmother who I miss terribly. Keep up with the stories of her.

Happy Birthday!

Kristina P. said...

That crotch comment just made me laugh so hard.

Midwest Mommy said...

Happy Birthday!
Your mom sounds like a riot. I think I would have died laughing if I heard her say she had a high crotch in the shoe dept, lol!

Mama Wheaton said...

Happy Birthday!
She sounds wonderful. If you ever need a break send her my way.

Andrea said...

So funny! Happy birthday to your mom!

Rebekah said...

come on over-I have something for you!

nikkicrumpet said...

LOL well at least now we know where YOU get it from! I'm not sure which made me laugh harder...the walking story or the shoe story. Happy Birthday to your mom...and may she have many many many more years to torture you all...I'm sure you have it coming!

KelleyAnne said...

Happy Birthday to your mom! I love that she laughs at herself too. I too hope we get to hear many, many more stories!

My New 30 said...

lolol happy birthday to your MOM!! She sounds very entertaining to say the least!

wendy said...

I may have to use that "crotch" line sometimes. How wonderful to enjoy your mom's birthday with her. My mom lives far far away and I ony get to see her once a year---that is sad.

Mimi Sue said...

It sounds like your mom keeps the family hopping! She sounds like she's very entertaining. Mimi

Alexis AKA MOM said...

Nah I knew you all were young things! Happy Birthday Nana's Mom! Love the boot story and I'm on the edge of seat to hear about Las Vegas ... LOL

Happy Saturday!

Jenni said...

Nana...I came to your blog after noticing your comment on mine. :) I am your newest fan. SOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!! Oh my....if my 9 month old wasn't sleeping in the same room as me right now I would have laughed out loud. A huge belly laugh. lol.

Thanks again...

3 Bay B Chicks said...

Tell me, Nana, is crazy genetic? If so, you and I are in big, big trouble.

My grandmother is a lovely woman, but this week she hit a car, drove away, returned to the scene...twice...to re-inspect the damage, and returned home after each visit. She left no note or any indication that she was responsible.

Needless to say, she was surprised and confused when the police showed up at her house.

-Francesca

Mrs. Jelly Belly said...

Trying to compose myself from all the laughter long enough to wish your mom a happy birthday. What great stories - I can't wait to hear the Vegas one...

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

I can't even think of anything to write here because I just keep picturing all these freaking hilarious scenarios - seriously, how do you ever NOT laugh around her? Hope her party was great.

Debbie said...

Your mother sounds wonderful! Just the kind of woman I'm hoping to be one day:)

Mrs. D Lightful said...

What a great tribute to your mom. Hope she had the best birthday ever!

Small House said...

GREAT STORY of your mom. She reminds me of someone. OH...me. I know I'd love her!

The shoe story reminded me of my own show story. I've decided I should post it. It was so funny, and a bit embarassing to boot.

Hope she has a great birthday. You are both so lucky to have each other.
Sandra

Lisa Loo said...

My husband is lying on the bed reading while I am blog surfing and all of a sudden I bust out a belly laugh and I swear-I just had to peel him off the ceiling!! Scared the crud out of the poor man! I too cannot decide whether the invisible or crotch one is better. Maybe you could do an invisible crotch story......

I'm just me... said...

How funny! I loved the mom stories. Can't wait to hear all about Vegas. Hope she had a great birthday!

Keri said...

Oh my, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time! No joke, laughed myself to tears. The shoes on the wrong feet had me rollin'. Hil.ar.ious!

Happy 70th!!