When humor goes, there goes civilization. ~Erma Bombeck




April 26, 2010

What the Heck!

A week ago today my doctor, he actually is into torturing his patients, took me off of sugar. I should say he put me on a strict diet, which includes no sugar. Did I say I can't eat sugar? Among three thousand other things. BUT SUGAR? Why not liver? I also found out I am allergic to..........



OH, I can't even say it..........Hold on to your hats.................... chocolate AND caffeine. Among three thousand other things. I mean when I found out I was allergic to mushrooms I thought, whatever, corn... o.k. inconvenient. Cheese, well that sucks! Milk, what the H---! When chocolate popped up right after caffeine I said "Let's go out back so you can shoot me in the head!!!!!!!!!









After four weeks with no sugar and all the other crap I can't eat. I can reintroduce these things back into my diet very slowly and see what happens. (I did eat a Lemon Bar, I couldn't handle it. I gave up future blessings for immediate gratification. I know I am a loser! I didn't explode or anything though.) The Dr. thinks if I do this we may get down to my migraine issue. He also believes my body is full of candida (yeast) which can cause havoc. So hence the no sugar thing. If I can get rid of my migraines by doing this then so be it. Just quit making Lemon Bars Megan!! (my pregnant daughter that is craving lemon bars and who just happens to be living with us.)



I will let you know how this all turns out. I will say even though I am going nuts I have lost 4 lbs. in one week. That's right one week.




Some of you may recall that my mom is blind in one eye. Well, now she can't see out of the other to well either. After hearing her complain about her sight and I don't mean in a bad way. Just her being scared that she couldn't see. I told her I wanted her to quit driving.

I had a big sit down with her and dad and poured my heart out about the dangers of her driving right now and how irresponsible it was and blabbity blah blah. So the next day....... I see her zoom out of the driveway, free as a lark. Again I said "What the H---!!!!!!"



This was a Saturday. On Sunday after church we had another talk. On Monday..... ZOOM she is gone. I won't tell you what I said to that.



Let's move on to Thursday. She had a Dr. apt. to see what is wrong with her eye. I couldn't take her to the apt. So... she drove herself. HOLY COW!! Turns out she has a cataract which thankfully can be taken care of. After her Dr. apt. she walks into my front door with two pair of sunglasses on. The goofy kind the Dr. gives you after he dilates your eyes (and also tells you not to drive after said dilation) and her own stylish sunglasses on top of them. She says "Whew that was some drive home, with my eye already bad AND then being dilated I could barely make it home." I was mortified, mad, ready to kill etc. Long story short. Mother is off the streets. Brothers have been informed of her shenanigans and all is right with that part of the world. Mom is being good and asking for help when she needs rides. In two weeks she will be all fixed up.






Moving on...... Zeke, Lemon Bar is his mother. He is so stinking cute and so much fun to have around. He just has one problem he is a busy body, tornado, whirl wind, Tasmanian Devil, I think you get the drift. Lemon Bar was just like him when she was little. Nothing and I mean nothing can be left out. Every door better be shut and the doors leading outside must be locked at all times..... That's so I can't escape!


Then last but not least........



gardening time has begun! I love it but, it takes up a ton of time. So if I am not the best blogging buddy during the Summer you can probably bet I am trying to stay one step ahead of the weeds and Zeke and then of course there is my mom.


Happy gardening to the rest of you fellow gardeners!







20 comments:

Garden of Egan said...

Well I just don't know how you can handle no chocolate, sugar and caffiene! What else is there? I wanna know!

Sorry about your mom, but I sorta think it's funny. I love fiesty little old people. They deserve to be sassy. Right up until they get in a car.

I hope you have the weather that allows you to garden. It's too dang cold here! I'm ready for some dirt!.

Cherie said...

Crap Egan - You beat me!

I really hope they get to the bottom of your migraines fast. Either way you are in misery right - No chocolate, sugar, caffeine or dealing with Migraines. Holy cow what a choice.

That is hilarious about your mom - Mom's can be so feisty!! I bet she is cute as can be but I am so glad her eye can be fixed and that she is off the streets for awhile - ha ha.

Your little grandson is WAY stinkin' cute!!!!

Have fun gardening I'm ready to "dig in" myself!

Jane In The Jungle said...

Sugar...caffeine....chocolate....would you like me to just have a contract put on him???? Mercy woman!!
You mom stories crack me up!!!! Oh yeah, tell Lemon Bar she can just ship them all down to Tennessee!

Julie Harward said...

So sorry about the migraines and all the goodness you can't eat...Dang! One thing about it you are going to get so skinny and sexy...then watch out!
I love the strong spirit of your mom..hope she's out there burning rubber soon!
Hope to see you around, friends are better than weeds to spend time with any day! LOL Come say hi :D

Kristina P. said...

That is the worst diet in the world! Man, that sucks.

Mimi Sue said...

Your life is always so exciting. But the caffeine and chocolate thing? I don't think I could handle that. I hope they find what's the cause of the migraines. It must be the mushrooms. Mimi

gigi said...

Check out my post on weeds and newspaper!!! It really does work!
Sorry about the sugar and chocolate. Might as well go ahead and shoot me if that was my case. I think we should pray for you and that cute little lemon bar, Jr. Good luck with all that anf try and smile!

Grand Pooba said...

How are you still alive? If I had to go off sugar my body would go on strike, I'd be dead in seconds.

But, I've heard your migraines are HORRIBLE, like deathly excruciatingly HORRIBLE! So, I hope this works!

(Save me a lemon bar)

Amanda said...

I had to do the same thing when I was a teenager with the no sugar, no caffine, no artificial sweetners (not like that part was hard) no artificial coloring and chocolate thing when they were trying to find out what was causing my migraines too. I even kept a food diary. Guess what, they never found out what was causing them. And man was it hard being a teenager and not being able to eat any of your favorite thigns!

Scary about your mom, I'll feel safter driving around in Salt Lake knowing she's not on the roads anymore ;).

The Pachuilo Family said...

WOW NO SUGAR!!!! I couldn't do it! I keep telling myself, this is the last week and then no sweets for a while. But then what happens, I go crazy and I NEED that sweet. It helps me get through the day sometimes. Sorry you have to cut out all this food, it doesn't sound like fun.

blueviolet said...

I wish I loved gardening like you do! I don't know if I could make it through my life without chocolate and caffeine, even one day, quite frankly! You're a better woman than I am!

Lisa Loo said...

Oh. dear.

They expect you to deal with the stress of your crazy life WITHOUT sugar, chocolate and caffeine?!! Inhumane. Maybe you're just not eating ENOUGH chocolate, sugar and caffeine. Yeah, thats it...

Hang in there....

Connie said...

Oh, my dear, I feel for you!!! The only consolation to that is you can reintroduce those things to your diet. The 4 pounds is a plus, anyway, it would be for me!

My Dad is blind in one eye and couldn't see out of the other and he was driving too! He went in a few months ago and had a cataract removed and he's a new man!! He can see and now he thinks he can drive at night!

Cute grandson. I have one just like him! Take care and good luck!

Thanks for making me laugh.

wendy said...

WOWZA -- no sugar, no chocolate, no caffeine. WHAT IS THERE LEFT TO LIVE FOR.
is sex still ok (tee,hee)

your mother makes me laugh, but I sense your worry, dangerous to drive blind in one eye and can't see out the other.

I love the grandkids, just like you do. soooooooo fun

Sook said...

Wow... I am so sorry about no sugar diet... That'd be tough! Is it wrong for me to find this post extremely entertaining to read though? You're witty. Good luck with your diet and hope everything turns out okay. :)

Deanna said...

We'd all be better off without sugar, chocolate and caffeins (I say this just after I ate a handful of chocolate covered raisins).

If this actually helps with getting rid of the migraines, then it will all be worth it. And the side benefit is a definite plus. I need to go to your Dr. - even though I don't have migraines.


Hope you are enjoying the precious little one. And you mother!!! Oh my gosh!!!! Glad she is grounded for now.

Alejendro said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alejendro said...

A day without sugar is too long..

Live.Love.Eat said...

Oh my, even though I am not a huge chocolate fan I can't imagine being allergic to both that and caffeine. I'm sorry. But that is great to lose 4lbs in one week!

KelleyAnne said...

I LOVE sugar, chocolate and caffeine. I hope they figure this out fast. Hang in there!