When humor goes, there goes civilization. ~Erma Bombeck

December 11, 2008

Christmas Time Favorites...

Last Thursday evening my sister in law Sissy and my nephew's wife Callie took myself and my mother in law Linda to see the Nutcracker Ballet.
There was quite a crowd so we had to stick closely to one another. There was no losing Linda however, even though she is only 4' 11'' she would be hard to miss in her Leopard coat topped off by her ever so present little white Afro. (Yes I said little white Afro, she has had the same hairdo since 1976.)

Linda loving up little Chloe her great granddaughter.

We had wonderful seats right in the middle of the theatre. It was very exciting to everyone, including the two little girls sitting directly in front of Linda and the big haired lady sitting directly in front of them.

The music was playing, the curtains opened and the two little girls shot up like bottle rockets. Big haired lady was swaying to the beat. I thought "Oh no." Now I have to tell you Linda may be little but she has a big mouth. (That's right I said big mouth - she knows it - no secrets here.)
I hear " Yeah great kid stand up, between you and the big haired lady I can't see anything!"

Little girls mother heard and must of thought if she jockeyed the girls around to other seats and if she herself sunk way down in HER seat we would be able to see better. NO!! Meanwhile Callie is next to me snoring. I gave her the old elbow.

Little girls went back to their original seats. They heard about it too. "Yeah kid all I can see is the back of your head. I'm really glad I came. Can't your mother make you sit down?!"

Little girls mother attempted the jockeying again, and slunk even lower down in her seat. (Linda can do that to a person.) Did it help? NO!!

Big haired lady was oblivious, still swaying to the beat.

Finally, intermission.

Little girls mother stands up grabs her girls and all their coats, obviously she is leaving.
Linda: "Oh are you leaving?" (sad voice)
Little girls mother:" Yes, the girls can't see and..."
Linda:" Take em to the balcony. They can stand up all they want up there. Who cares?"( Linda is kind of like a mean Don Rickles.)
Little girls and their mother exit theatre.

The seats are empty. YaY! The seats are spotted by some other poor souls who don't know what they are getting into. I'm thinking "No, go back save yourselves." The poor suckers sit down. The big one sits right in front of Linda.

Linda: "Hey your too big. That means every time I can't see I get to smack you." ( You people think I am making this up. I am not! I have seen her fight for a spot at the 24th of July Parade.)

Callie and Sissy know these people. I noticed the guy give Sissy a look. His fight or flight instincts were setting in. Personally mine had come and gone several times and it was only intermission.

Sissy could see what was happening, she did something that would neither help nor hurt this guy in his situation. She got up and went to the bathroom, Callie was right behind her muttering something about buying drinks. Now the guy is looking at me. I smile, crinkle my nose and give him a wink.

He's like "What the... Is she in the Mafia ?"
Linda is laughing now, slaps the guy on the back and says "YOUR ALRIGHT, just don't move around much."

Intermission is over:
People are seated:
Ballet resumes:
Watching the guy sit there all night like he had a gun to his head, as they say... Priceless!

By the way the Ballet was great. Thank you Sissy and Callie. And thank you Linda for always making it interesting.

Certain aspects of this story may have been embellished, a little, hardly at all, no these are the facts.


Emma said...

That made cry it was so funny. Brian's comment was that is so not funny and it gave him a stomach ache just listening to me read it! That was priceless. I have to say "boy do I miss being in that situation."

tara @ kidz said...

I was honestly slinking in my chair - in the comforts of my own home - just out of embarassment that she is my grandmother-in-law. She's always good for a laugh. Ya gotta love her! =)

Michelle said...

My Grandma had that same little white afro! I love that photo of her with Chloe! Very special

krissy said...

Hilarious, Oh my gosh! I love the pictures.

Jenners said...

Visiting from BPOTW...

LOVE the photo of Chloe and Linda...just beautiful!!!

The Pachuilo Family said...

I love the story. I was dying because I was laughing so hard. The funny part is that I can totally see her doing and saying all that. I guess that's grandma for ya.
Going to the Nutcracker during Christmas was one of my favorite things.

Anonymous said...

She is so adorable!