When humor goes, there goes civilization. ~Erma Bombeck

August 26, 2009

Ahhhhhh The L Word

I love fall. The nights are cooler. The trees change color.

Kids go back to school, we see the old familiar school buses as they finish their routes. I can almost feel autumn as it slowly reaches into my reality and I love it.

I was relishing in these thoughts Monday evening, relaxing, watching some T.V. It was around 10:00 so I was ready to hit the hey when the phone rang.

(The names of the people in this tale of woe have been changed to protect the innocent)

Ring Ring (that's my phone)

I pick it up and say hello.

The person on the other end I'll call him Ken, said "Ummmmm do you know what lice look like?"

I am thinking LICE???????? I also thought of my delightful tactless ex-brother in law at the same time. (No he didn't have lice.) When something bad would happen he had this wonderful little saying "WELL THAT WILL MAKE YOUR POOPER PUCKER!" Yes, I was sufficiently puckered and it was only seconds into the conversation.

Now Ken knows I know what lice look like because I was indeed one of the lice ladies at his elementary for years. I would go in once a month with the other hardy professional lice ladies and check heads.

I might add this is not a job for the weak hearted. I said "I will be right over!"

I ran downstairs grabbed my old goggles and I was off.

Papa and I were at Ken and Barbies home in no time. I grabbed the alleged infested suspect and did my thing. Dig, Dig, Dig, Nit one Pearl two and YES to my horror the case was confirmed.

We had lice. Then it happened I screamed a scream from the depths of my soul. The whole neighborhood could hear it, but we were in Rose Park so no one cared. I'm sure the neighbors were like "What the heck, it's not Saturday night." (I will soon be chronicling my life and times living in Rose Park, don't get me wrong I LOVE Rose Park, well most of it.)

Any who, we all ran to Smith's and bought a bunch of shampoo and spray. Our homes have been ripped apart, scrubbed, vacuumed and fumigated within an inch of our lives. New pillows were purchased. Every piece of bedding washed including blankets. Toys are in bags. The toy closet is off limits.

This is my new look. I didn't want to take any chances. Actually it may really be my new look soon because my hair is like straw from that crappy shampoo. I guess it is better than the alternative.

We are like a bunch of primates grooming each other at least twice a day. My head, what am I saying my whole body won't stop itching.

We have found nothing. (Knock on Wood)

I called the vet thinking I was going to have to take my dog Two Dot in for some kind of dip. He told me no. I learned that cat lice, dog lice and human lice are all different and prefer their type of host.

What do you know. That was one less thing I had to scrub. I did however, vacuum her and she didn't like it.

We have fought a good fight. My house has probably not been this clean since I moved in!!

I certainly hope and pray we have sent those little buggers packing!!!!!!

Barbie has been horrified throughout this whole thing. She told her son not to tell a soul about any of this. He had to swear it in blood. (He's not the one with the blood suckers all over his head.)

So what happens? Barbie, while at the check stand after buying new brushes is minding her own business when the cashier tells our little infested victim:

"Oh, you are such a cutie pie!"

Victim gives her a big smile and says:

"I have bugs in my hair."

Barbie felt as if she was dying a slow miserable death.

You gotta love lice er I mean life.


Andrea said...

LOL I love your goggles.

Connie said...

My head is itching! You are a brave soul to be a lice lady!
I'm assuming Barbie and Ken must have been to your home during the infestation!
Hope you don't get those little buggers and I hope Barbie's son gets rid of his!

Bonnie the Boss said...

thanks, now I am off to check my sleeping children because I am freaked out!

Kathy B! said...

I shudder in fear at the mention of the L word. If it ever gets into out house we're doomed.

sandy said...

Now I'm itchy too! I was the head lice checker at the daycare I worked at for 15 years! Eeek! I fear those nasty little buggers!

Rebekah said...


The Garden of Egan said...

Oh that is a funny story of a horrid event! Thanks for sharing, now I gotta go check my scalp cause I think I caught it.

Anonymous said...

Haha! I love the response of your grandson. Awesome!

I remember having lice and it wasn't fun. I hope they go away quickly!

Stopping in from SITS.

Debbie said...

Lice are the worst! It is funny but I truly did start scratching my head while reading this!

Cindy said...

Hi Nana, thank you for visiting my blog. This story is so funny, I really feel for you. My kid were checked for lice when we lived in Georgia 20 years ago. They didn't have it.


Jane In The Jungle said...

Believe it or not we have never had lice.....or it could be they thought my kids hair was so nasty they couldn't get past the dirt and oil so they left!!

Alexis AKA MOM said...

OMGosh we had an outbreak at daycare and we luckily missed it but still.

I'm loving the goggle look! Lice lady you rock :)

Bennett Bunch said...

This is a spin on the tragic story of the last week of our lives! Good thing bug hair girl is so cute!

Yvonne said...

You brought back bad memories. My daughter was 15. Teaching gymnastics at the school she attended for the summer camp kids. She had LONG... THICKER THAN THICK HAIR too her boobs.

My daughter, me, and her friend (also teaching) and her mom are talking before we leave...

My Allie keeps scratching her head.

I think it's because she is from being in the gym's pool too much.

She's been scratching for 2 weeks!

When all of a sudden, the friends mom says those words that you never want to hear...!

To my daughter...I think I just saw something MOVE on your head!

HORROR, HORROR. We checked. And she was full. Then we checked the rest of us.


The words NIT PICK took on a hole new meaning. For about 3 weeks and 3 shampoo treatments.

I had the cleanest house and kids in the neighborhood after though!

The Wife O Riley said...

Emerson had lice when she was in 1st grade, it was horrible! The only thing that worked for us was mayonaise. You leave it in your hair for a couple of hours and then rinse with vinegar. It suffocates them and the vinegar desolves the glue that holds the nits on.

I once read something that lice don't like coconut shampoo. The girls have used it ever since and we haven't had a problem. Knock on wood.

Mimi Sue said...

You are so funny! Isn't lice the most fun you've had in a long time? I worked in the school nurses office for 17 years in Cal. Between the lice checks and the barf it was a great job. Good luck with all of that. Mimi

Midwest Mommy said...

If you put toys in a bag does it kill the lice? Can you put your pillows in a bag then? I am just asking because I have a sleep number, perfect pillow that I don't think I could ever part with if the kids came home with lice, lol

Midwest Mommy said...

And now I have to tell you I have never seen lice before or what it looked like. I googled...I am so grossed out and itching now, lol

confused homemaker said...

I'm itching just thinking about lice. EWWW, I have a total fear of lice.

Lorilee said...

I had lice once as an adult! It was horrible. Husbands are not good nit pickers! (I had long blonde hair--still do).For YEARS after that I always wore my hair frenchbraided to work! I can spot the little buggers or their nits quite well after 18 years teaching Kinder and now 4 in Pre-K!

Creative Mish said...

LOL! You're so funny! I can't even count how many times my kids came home from school with lice! Nasty stuff!

Anonymous said...

Ah! Heebie Jeebies!