When humor goes, there goes civilization. ~Erma Bombeck

September 28, 2009

Fun With Dick and Jane a.k.a. Mom and Dad

This morning dad was sitting in his front doorway waiting for me to come over and water my pots. I opened the door (bad idea) and he said "Can you do me a big favor today?" I replied "Sure what do you need?"

Long story short he wanted me to follow mom to the body shop and drop off the van. It needs a little work.
Mom dings it now and then running into other vehicles and such.

When it was time to go I told mom to remember I was following her because I had no idea where we were going. Her reply was O.K. so I pretty much thought she understood the concept of someone following behind.

Everything was fine until we hit Beck street. (A busy street w/ lots of lights) VROOM she speeds through a yellow light." HELLOOOOO!" She realized her mistake and pulled over to wait for me as I was stuck at the light when it turned red. I was relieved and we went our way.

We came upon another light at a busier intersection and VROOM she speeds through another yellow light. "HOLY HANNAH WOMAN!!" This time she just keeps on going while I am stuck at another red light.

Then all the traffic dumps off of Victory road onto Beck Street and mom completely disappears.

Mom is not fazed by this because as I was to learn later, there was a grey truck following her which she thought was me. Never mind that it was loaded down with a Camper and a Polynesian man was driving it. My truck is Silver, we have no Camper and I am not Polynesian.

The light turns green for me and I am thinking" hmmmm maybe I should have gotten the address after all." Lucky for me I have a Cell phone and my posh truck also has a phone so I call my dad to find out where the hell I am going.

He tells me not to get on the freeway, (that was good to know) just go to Highway 89 turn left on Center street then head to Redwood Road and I would then be at the Maverick station. He told me I would then see said body shop called Higbee's or Rigby's he could not remember.

I think great. I can do that. Center street is blocked by construction, no big deal I just keep going and eventually I am at the Maverick station. There is no body shop in sight.

I call dad again. I ask him to be a bit more specific in his directions. He tells me to go north half a block and I would run right into it.

I drive about four blocks and see a sign that says Higgon's then as I got closer in small letters I saw Body Shop and Repair. I then have to turn down a little road and low and behold there it is. There is mom's van and there is mom.

That's when she told me about the grey truck that she thought was me. I told her I could see how she could make such an easy mistake since once again we have no Camper and I am not a man let alone Polynesian, a BIG Polynesian man.

I don't know though, between those two old people I may move to Tonga!

September 24, 2009

Not Again.....

Second weekend in a row with the Creeping Crud at our house. Last week it was P.J.'s turn, this week it's Henries turn. I wonder who will be next.

September 16, 2009

I Might Be In Trouble...

I hope Papa doesn't get any ideas. I have to say though, where is the ornery old fart bin?

September 6, 2009

Me and My Migraine and Other Stupid Stuff

For some reason Papa thought I needed a buddy whilst I was laying down with my migraine. He is a cute buddy, he was being quiet and polite, so I didn't mind.

However, I did not know the camera was going to be pulled out.

That's me saying "Am I in the picture? I don't want to be in the picture. Really am I in the picture?" Papa just ignored me, like he does when I lock the bathroom door. Do any of you have husbands that go get a skinny nail and unlock the bathroom door after you have locked it? I did not think so!!!!!!!!!!!

Can you believe we are still married? I did not think so. That is a whole other post in itself, but I really don't want to go there. I get myself too riled up. Oooooh that just makes me sooooo mad!!! I mean what part of THE DOOR IS LOCKED does he not understand! I mean we HAVE 3 stinkin bathrooms and yes sometimes they stink.

Any who, for the last two weekends I have had migraines, WHAT a drag.

Today I had to teach Relief Society in church. For those of you who do not know what R.S. is I will just briefly say it is specifically for the women. We have lessons each Sunday and Enrichment nights. These nights consist of eating, service projects, eating, crafts, eating.... I think you get the drift.

I am in charge of Enrichment nights so you know there is lots of eating. Today while high on my migraine crap I gave our Sunday lesson. BTW I must have done o.k. because only one person asked "What is wrong with you? You look sick!" Just what I wanted to hear.

I am digressing again. During the lesson we touched on Enrichment nights. I told the ladies I wanted their input on what they would like to do. I also gave them a list of things that other R.S. groups have done.

On this list there was a Sewing category which I though was great until I read....

sewing lingerie. Sometimes we take pictures of what we do during enrichment and hang them in the hallway for all to see. Can you imagine? Yes, here we are after a long evening of sewing. That's the Bishop's wife in front. I told the ladies in church today I didn't want to know any of them that well so not to count on that class.

I might however, have mom show them how she gets her daisy dukes just right. That seems like it would be an easy project, and I am all about easy!

September 2, 2009

Something That Has Been On My Mind

This is Phil, he's my dad. I have been wanting to tell you about him ever since I started blogging ,but I couldn't. I'm a smart Arss and don't like to get very heavy in bloggy land. Plus talking about Phil just gets me too choked up. I can't handle it. It means I am talking about his mortality and well who wants to chat that up. Today I met a woman named Teresa

she wrote a post about Invisible Illness. You know, you don't look sick so what's your problem kind of thing.

Well, that was my dad for many many years. Look at him and my mother here. The epitome of health or so he thought.

Pretty sexy right. He and mom are on their Honeymoon, yes they got married when they were 12. It's legal in Utah. ( no it's not! )

As you can see here the Honeymoon was over. That's me and my kid brother Kip having a snooze.

Still young and healthy.

He has always been a construction worker. An electrician. He was the Foreman electrician on the Church Office Building when it was being built in Salt Lake City. That's where he is in this picture.

Here he is with some muckadymucks. Our Gov. at the time and some of you may know Jake Garn.

He is on a ladder in the middle of this Creek. He is taking mine and Papa's pic for our wedding invitation. When I was a teenager we would go on vacation and women would always think he was Robert Redford. The horror. I would think these women were not only dumb but blind also.
Now that I am mature. I can see it. ( a little)

He loved to fish, water ski, swim, work, work and work all the time at one thing or another. This is him w/ my oldest son Jamie.

Me and dad. I think it was 1979.

Here he is w/ my brother Matt. I see pictures like this and it makes me sad. Dad can't walk anymore.

He was our Santa one year.

Here he is w/ my brother Matt's first child Sally. It was around this time in his life he started noticing something was off. When he walked his body would pull to one side. Like a drunk. He started having double vision. The earth seemed to move when he would be standing still. He would get terrible headaches. Yet he looks healthy as a horse.
He would go to work every day, come home driving up the street w/ one of his socks hung over one eye because covering one eye would stop the double vision.
He went to Dr. after Dr. after Dr. One Dr. told him that he felt dad was just trying to get disability. One told him to go see a shrink. So what did dad do, he kept going to work. Construction work. Big ladders, lots of high voltage wires that kind of thing.

He would try and go on the best he could and Never Never feel sorry for himself. Here he is w/ My nephew Kole.
He also kept trying to find a Dr. that would take him serious. Finally one diagnosed him w/ M.S. even though all the tests for that disease came back negative.
Papa and I built the home we currently live in in 1999. We built an apartment on the house. ( Another long story) Anyway dad and mom lived in a 3 story walk up Condo and dad couldn't do the stairs any longer. We told mom and dad to come live in the apartment at our house.
He found the right Dr. and was diagnosed with Spinocerebellar Ataxia.
He finally got disability. Thank Heavens and life went on.

My dads way of life that is. This is what a guy who is in a part time wheelchair does, right? Papa mentioned he wanted to put a hot tub off of the patio so the next day dad was out there with Jamie and Oby (our sons) building the slab it would eventually sit on.
Mind you dad could only work so long before he would have to lay down for awhile. When I say lay down I mean he would just lay where ever he was. He would lay in the bushes, the driveway, the grass, the porch, under the raspberry bushes.
One afternoon one of Oby's friends rushed in our house to tell us grandpa was dead. Grandpa was laying under our truck in the driveway. I can't imaging what our neighbors thought of us, letting that poor man work his guts out until he had to lay in the driveway, but could we get him to stop? NO!!!!!
He decided to paint the columns and porch railings around our house, so he tethered himself to one column at time so if he fell he wouldn't hit the ground. This was on our second story deck btw.

We begged him to stop. He even climbed in the attic one day.( He could not for the life of him wait until Papa got home to help him.) He was doing whatever, mom was at the kitchen table applying her daily make-up , dad lost his balance and his legs went through the ceiling. Really. Just like in the movies.
He would not stop. He would not give up. He did not want to sit in a chair, lay in a bed until he could absolutely do nothing else.
Two years ago was the last time dad gardened with me. He would crawl to help me. His arms would give out and he would do a face plant right in the dirt, pull himself up and start again.
Sometimes he couldn't crawl so he would sit or lay. It took him more than two hours to plant a four by four ft. plot of peas that year
I caught him in his jazzy (wheelchair) scooting up the driveway with his giant ladder under one arm that same year. I said "Where the hell do you think you are going?" ( He had already been told the ladders were off limits to him no discussion.) He said " I am going to wash the windows."
I took the ladder away.
We had already made him give up driving. ( That is a story for another day)
Telling your dad, a man who always demanded respect" no" is not an easy task. Even if he is in a wheelchair and can't chase you down.

Dad's body will slowly stop functioning. He sits in his window and watches me garden now. Listens to books on tape, sleeps.
Soon he won't be able to swallow, talk, eventually breathe.
This man has fallen down more times than any person I know. He has never complained. I know it's a bad day when he will say " this is the shits" I have only heard that a couple of times. His usual reply when you ask him how he is doing is "I've never felt better." That's it.

Here he is a few years ago at our 4th of July party. Sorry I couldn't get the pic to turn around right. We had a parade and he had to be in it.

You can't tell but we are holding him up in this picture.

Here is dad this past 4th of July. We are at my brothers house. It takes two men to get him up the stairs and into that chair.
It is an effort for him to speak or even hold up his head.
He still is trying.
He has been the best example of how to handle yourself in life to me, Hands Down.
My mom said to him a long time ago "Phil don't you get depressed?" His reply was "Would that make me better?" Seriously the guy will not complain.
So the next time you think you are having a bad day..... Try thinking of someone who has had a bad day for over 20 years and is still grateful for every one of them. He is as stubborn as they come and has a heart bigger than any I have seen.

My two little handicaps.

Remember to go by and say hi to Kidz