When humor goes, there goes civilization. ~Erma Bombeck

December 9, 2009

Fun With Mom

Taking my mom shopping can be quite the adventure! Today I took her to Costco. We were only there 2 hours. Yes, 2 hours. Yes, 2 hours. As we were driving up to the store she decided she wanted to go to Deseret Book to buy my dad some Christmas gifts. Now this is a long time trick of mom's, we start for one place and she has you cart her to several other places. I dropped her off at Deseret Book ( it is right next door to Costco) and I went on my way to Costco.

I found most of my items then decided to look for mom, she was looking at pajama bottoms for dad. I then went and found the rest of what I needed and returned to help mom retrieve whatever it was she was in need of.

We traveled through the store looking at everything they have to offer, yes everything, yes every thing. That was no big deal. Finally mom says "o.k. I just need to get your dad some vitamins and we can get out of here." We travel to that section of the store when she says"where is the acid reflux medicine?" I say " right here I just got Papa some." She then says "No, your dad won't use that brand, he wants PERCOCET." I'm thinking who doesn't. I say "mom you can't buy Percocet at Costco that is a powerful pain medication." She says "oh ." I say " how about Prilosec?" She says "No, I better call him." Which she does I hear her asking what kind of medicine it is he needs. I hear his muffled reply and she says "HE wants Percocet!!" I think great I am going to have a stand off with my mom in Costco over Percocet. She is still on the phone and then she says " oh I mean Prevacid." Whew!!!!! We get that settled and head to the check out.

Mom gets finished checking out before me and notices when the cashier runs my See's Candy gift certificates through the register. Then I hear " Oh I have to go back and get me some of those." I tell her that is fine I will guard her cart while she goes to get her crap. While waiting I buy myself a Lemonade and salad, eat, chat with other patrons of the store, get my shoes shined,
eat some ice cream, have a rousing game of Bingo with the employee's, then finally I see her coming. I tell everyone good bye, thanks for the good times and we are off.

We get to the door.......The gal there checks my receipt. Then mom's. This is when mom has to open her big mouth and say " I have these See's gift certificates here too but, I have lost the receipt." (the lady would not have even noticed, she was about to set us free. We were half way out the door.... for the love......We hadn't even walked 2 yards from where she got the stupid receipt!!!!!!!!!)

The lady says "Ummmmm I can't let you out of here without a receipt." (we were so close, I could even see the van) The lady says "you need to go to the front of the building and get a receipt." Mom says "$#*%!!!!!" I was thinking far worse. I said "I will be with my homeys playing Bingo."...............

Luckily mom found her receipt crumpled up on the floor. I couldn't believe my good fortune.

You may be thinking I am giving my mom too hard of a time. I say I don't care!!

This morning she called to ask if I had sound on my T.V. She told me she had no sound. I told her indeed I had sound on my T.V. I told her to go check her other T.V.'s and see how they were working. I then hung up the phone.

I sat and thought for a moment. Hmmm this is my mom, I bet she has the T.V. turned down.

I call her back. I say" is your sound working?" She replies yes it is working and explains she had forgotten she had turned it down as to not bother my dad last evening. (am I good or what?)

I know most people would try turning up the T.V. or check the mute button before calling 911. I am her personal 911 and I have to say that is o.k.

In other news... my kids are moving away. I thought I would be extremely happy about this but, alas I am very sad. It's bitter sweet actually. I am glad they have a good job, found a cute house, San Francisco will be a great place to visit. Still I would prefer it if they were staying in my state.
They leave Monday. I know Papa won't dance with me during "So You Think You Can Dance." He is not ticklish either. He certainly won't let me chase him around with the Corn Cobbers. (private joke) This house will seem awfully quiet. I didn't think I would ever get used to them living with me. Now I know it will take a while to get used to them not being here. My mom feels the same way. Henry thinks her house is some kind of Shangri La. He can watch cartoons and eat chocolate until the cows come home over there.
Oh well, as they say... life goes on.


The Garden of Egan said...

OH MY HECK!!!!! I wanna take your mom shopping and do a video!!!!!!
Sheesh, that cracks me up.
I wanna go to Costco and get me some Percocet too! Awesome. Here in my state we have to have a prescription!
Love it I tell ya!

Sorry your fam is moving to a place far away! I'm loving having my Houston daughter here! HEAVEN!

Kristina P. said...

YOu are a very patient woman.

Taylor said...

That was a great post until you made me cry, thanks a lot.

Joycee said...

You are killing me, I'm rolling in the floor! Your shopping trip with your Mom is so much like mine used to be. It took Mom FOREVER to gather up 10 items and I would just about pull my hair out! Losing the receipt was the last straw. Love coming to visit you, it makes my day!

Mary said...

Love it! I can't wait until I get old enough to guilt my son into driving me to the store so I can do these very things myself!!

I am missing my mom so much, and really having the holiday blues. This post brought a smile to my face. Thanks.

Connie said...

Let me know when Costco gets "over the counter" Percocet!
Who won at Bingo?
I know how you feel about having the kids move out. It really is a mixed emotion! It's especially sad when they move out of state, my daughter moved a half hour away from us and some days THAT'S too far!
Yes, you'll have to give me your address so I can stop by and say Hi when I'm in your city! I'll bring the Percocet!

Jane In The Jungle said...

Absolutly no one can tell a story like you!!!!!!!!!
I have got to get to Utah and meet your mom one day...oh yeah, and you!!!!

Sorry they're leaving...it'll be quiet, lost my train of thought, son number 3 just woke up puking, got him and the toilet clean, and now I can't remember what witty thing I was gonna say about papa having you to himself, I'm sure it was funny though!

Kelly said...

Funny story about shopping with your mom. But yes, bittersweet about your kids moving.

Cynthia said...

My Mom will be EXACTLY like yours someday. Sigh. It's just a matter of time so I won't be giving you ANY crap...

Love that picture of your kids- I got engaged on that very bridge! I'm happy for them but sad for you.

wendy said...

Oh my gosh, I am laughing my granny pants off about now. What a funny story about your mom. (I am sure that is exactly how my kids will feel about me someday)
Playing Bingo with the employees -fuuunnnnyyyyy!!!!!!!

Costco is a ZOO at this time of year.
sorry about the kids moving away, but happy they have a good future ahead of them eh.
I miss my kids and grandkids so much I can hardly wait to see them --TOMORROW!!!!!

have a wonderful Christmas
and good job of taking care of mom

Amanda said...

Hey, I want some percocet, too! That would be so awesome if you could just buy it at Costco ;).

Oh, how sad that they're moving to San Francisco, but CA is awesome, I'm sure they'll love it there. Although, it is A LOT different from Utah. But it's a fast plane trip and you can usually get tickets for about $100 round trip :).

I'm from the SF bay area myself and my mom and sister are still there. They live in the North Bay in Marin, the other side of the Golden Gate Bridge. It's defintely much warmer there ;)

Mimi Sue said...

You have the most exciting life ever. You really should invite some of us along on your adventures. I love your mom so much. I'm also glad she's YOUR mom. Mimi

Deanna said...

I'm sorry your family is moving so far away. I would be heartbroke and bet your are!

My dad used to do the shopping tricks on me all the time. I'd give anything if he were still here running my butt all over tarnation!

prevacid over the counter said...

Hehe. I just found this blog and I love that story. One time my paternal grandfather told my maternal grandmother that he needed Viagra, but what he meant was Lipitor. Yes, those ARE almost the same. My grandma was really shocked until we explained that he was just crazy.