When humor goes, there goes civilization. ~Erma Bombeck

February 9, 2010

Friends Don't Let Your Friends Drive Old

Above is my mom and her friend Maria. Below are my many encounters while driving lately. Am I the only one dodging old people driving 40 miles an hour on the freeway? America we have a huge problem!

Yesterday while running errands I got stuck behind an old women going 40 mph. ON THE FREEWAY. We were in a constructions zone posted 55 MPH. I could not pass her and, of course her left signal light was on. She turned it off when we were out of the construction area and could finally change lanes if desired. I changed lanes just in time to notice her coming right for me. I should have known she was going to change her lane when she turned off her left signal lights.

Luckily she was still only going 40 MPH and there was no one in the lane next to me. Also luckily for me I was so occupied with trying not to crash I did not have time to flip her off. (old habits die hard) She would not have seen it anyway. With my luck my Bishop would have been in the car next to me and HE would have seen it.

Did I ever tell you about the time (many years ago) my MOM flipped off a women while we were driving on North Temple and 9th West. Anyone familiar with this area knows this was not a smart move. It was VERY evident that this young women was some sort of Gang Banger with a big mouth and an attitude, so naturally my mom would give her the finger.

I was driving the car at the time and got stuck at a red light right after the finger flipping. So what did gang bang girl do? She walked up to my car and twisted up my wind shield wipers. What did I do? I let her. (I had left my brass knuckles in my other purse) I also screamed "lock the doors you idiot!" and, " you are paying for this!" I also screamed some other stuff but, I shan't go into it.

I mean for heavens sake my mom knows the law of the jungle. Plus I lived just around the corner and..... I did not need this kind of attention. This is one of my little Rose Park antidotes or I should say Fair Park antidotes. Fair Park and Rose Park are actually two places that get melded into one place and the Rose Parkers get mad when you do that. "WEST SIDE" (Insert my big loud whooping voice. West siders will know what I am saying.)

However, I digress. We have got a serious problem with all of these old people still driving. I through personal experience know the DMV is no help. When my father went to get his drivers license for the last time I just chuckled to myself because I KNEW they would not give him his license. I was right. They wouldn't give it to him THAT day because he forgot his glasses. Get this..... the instructor at the DMV would not even get in the car with my dad. He knew my dad could see nothing. So naturally he told dad to drive home and get his glasses. HE TOLD A BLIND MAN TO DRIVE HOME AND GET HIS GLASSES!!!!!!!! A blind man with no reflexes left in his body.

I called the guy. I actually talked to the actual instructor. I gave him what for and let him in on what was going on around here with my dad and his driving. I told him he was my saving grace. I told him he COULD NOT give my dad his license. He assured me he would not. He told me to call him next time dad was going to come in.... Well, I went on vacation a couple of days later, dad went in and, yes, he got his license!!!! WHAT!?!?!

Lucky for us dad voluntarily gave it up on his own. Well America, ( i know all of America will read this) what are we going to do about this situation?


Kristina P. said...

My grandpa had to have the keys totally stripped from him.

Amanda said...

Having spent the first 14 years of my life living in FL I completely understand.

It's seriously scary, especially, when you can't even see the backs of their heads over the seat...

Grand Pooba said...

Well the obvious answer is to kill off all the elderly.

Ok you so know I'm kidding right?

I KNOW all of America will be reading this and nodding there heads and saying "Been there, done that."

I blame the DMV.

Cherie said...

I totally agree!!! I have a similar problem where I live that I will be posting about soon - but slow drivers in general make me get major roadrage - I have cleaned it up and now just scream "Weinerhead Get off the FReakiN Road!!" Usually it is old people but sometimes it's not..What???

My mom is 65 and still pretty young and even she has started driving like she's 90 - it is a bit embarrasing and I hope I don't do that.
Great post.

On a serious note - alot of elderly get into or cause serious accidents because they can really no longer drive safely - something should be done!

Connie said...

My Dad is blind in his right eye. I mean completely blind (he wears a prosthesis) He still drives. He says that between my mom and him they have 3 good eyes. To be honest with you, I would rather ride with my dad than my mom. However, whenever I go anywhere with them, I'm the one driving. You know what my Dad says to me? "You drive too damn fast!"
He's right, I'm going faster than 40!

wendy said...

Oh man, I DON'T KNOW. 12 years ago I used to work at the Driver License division and had to take those "old" people on driving tests. Used to scare me to death. And it was sad to see them cry when You told them they could no longer be issued a license.

Hard to get old. But we need our highways safe for sure.
My kids threaten to take my keys away --and they always insist that THEY drive.
Sheeesh, I only fell asleep behind the wheel one time and I'm branded for life.

Mimi Sue said...

When I'm on N Temple and 900 W. I for one do not look left or right, I just stare straight ahead and do not make eye (or finger) contact with anyone. It is a terrifying problem especially here in Utah. We have a lady in our neighborhood who's in her 90's and is legally blind but still drives her car! She told me it's OK cause she says a little prayer before she turns on the ignition! Mimi

The Garden of Egan said...

Was that YOU flipping me off? Hey I'm an out-a-stater? Cut me some slack ....and no fair classifyin' me as a geezer!

I hope you get it figured out soon, cause I'm tired of taking care of the catastrophes in my ER.

Valerie said...

Oh my word! You always make me laugh, you are just so dadgum funny!
Let's add "people with brain injuries who shouldn't be driving either" to the mix, shall we? My son informed me (rather proudly) the other day that he has been driving cars into the wash bays at work...he is NOT cleared to drive. In fact, has been told he cannot drive because of his vision problems...my daughter told me that when he blurted out the news, the look on my face was priceless! A mixture of shock, anger, concern, confusion and a good bit of "I'd really like to smack you right now!" thrown in for good measure.
That kid will be the death of me, I swear!

Deanna said...

Let me know when you come up with the answer. I have learned to avoid Buicks at all cost, since we all know they are OPC's (old people cars). The problem is going to keep getting worse as the baby boomer generation (ME!) ages.

My dad never agreed he couldn't drive but did agree to let me drive him whenever he wanted to go distances more than across town.

You probably gave that poor old lady a heart attack! lol

Joycee said...

Are we livin' the same life or what??? My MIL is still driving, Lord help anyone in her way. Nothing we say can keep her from doing whatever she wants. At least she has an on staff crew of Angels who ride with her! Happy Valentine's Day Sweetie...

Kelly said...

No, you are not alone. Happens to me almost every time I go somewhere. I try and tell myself that will be me someday. Doesn't work too well.